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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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Eating Entire Box Of Donuts Not Originally Part Of Evening's Plan

OVERLAND PARK, KS—Moments after consuming the twelfth and final Hostess™ powdered-sugar donut, Overland Park resident Patrick Angelis, 46, admitted Monday that eating an entire box of donuts was not originally part of his plan for the evening. "I figured I'd kick back in front of the TV, watch King Of Queens and Yes, Dear, and maybe enjoy a donut or two," the sated, powder-faced Angelis said. "But before you know it, the whole box was gone." Added Angelis: "Hey, you gotta stay flexible; take what the night brings you."

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