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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Editors Of '401 Best Soups' Cookbook Still Fighting

BURLINGTON, VT—Six years after the book's release, the editors of 401 Best Soups have reportedly been unable to set aside their disagreements over which recipes were included in the volume. "[Chef Andrew] Darcy thinks his very workable beef stock recipe got passed over for a flashier, trendier tripe and fish stock, while [Chef Harold] Brister won't shut up about the inclusion of two supposedly inferior gazpachos," literary agent Joe Palmento told reporters, adding that the soup chefs can't even be in the same room without fighting over the best way to prepare a roux. "Meanwhile, [Chef] Anna [Smolinski] feels like her creamy leek got buried in the back pages. Which is just fine by [Chef Tom] Manard, of course." To date, the book has sold 450,000 copies, won a James Beard award, and been hailed by gourmands the world over as the definitive guide to soup preparation.

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