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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Egypt Plunges Into State Of Middle East

CAIRO—Following deadly clashes on Wednesday between government forces and supporters of recently deposed President Mohamed Morsi, sources confirmed that Egypt has descended into a state of total Middle East. “Widespread and rampant Middle East swept across the nation over the last 24 hours, leaving hundreds dead and thousands more injured,” said U.S. Ambassador to Egypt Anne W. Patterson, noting that the all-out Middle East currently happening in the country could potentially destabilize the entire region. “It’s nothing but pure Middle East on the streets right now. And there is a strong possibility that if the international community becomes involved, the Middle East could become even worse.” Patterson added that while the Middle East in Egypt is showing no signs of letting up, the situation has thankfully not yet boiled over into a full-blown Africa.

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