adBlockCheck

International

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
End Of Section
  • More News

Egyptian Populace To Hopefully Get Something Better Than Democracy Out Of All This

CAIRO—After more than a week of political protests, bloodshed, and cultural upheaval in Egypt, analysts are holding out hope that the Egyptian people will get something more out of the whole ordeal than just democracy. "While having a truly representative system of government would be an improvement, you'd like to think after all they've been through the people of Egypt could be rewarded with something better than that," said Brookings Institution senior fellow Kenneth Pollack, adding that having a form of government in which power is derived from the people "isn't all it's cracked up to be." "They suffered under Mubarak for 30 years and this is the consolation prize they get? Democracy? At least give them all new jobs, or $5,000 in cash. Something." At press time, Brookings fellows were pooling some money together to buy the city of Cairo a "first-rate" new zoo.

More from this section

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close