Egyptian Populace To Hopefully Get Something Better Than Democracy Out Of All This

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Egyptian Populace To Hopefully Get Something Better Than Democracy Out Of All This

CAIRO—After more than a week of political protests, bloodshed, and cultural upheaval in Egypt, analysts are holding out hope that the Egyptian people will get something more out of the whole ordeal than just democracy. "While having a truly representative system of government would be an improvement, you'd like to think after all they've been through the people of Egypt could be rewarded with something better than that," said Brookings Institution senior fellow Kenneth Pollack, adding that having a form of government in which power is derived from the people "isn't all it's cracked up to be." "They suffered under Mubarak for 30 years and this is the consolation prize they get? Democracy? At least give them all new jobs, or $5,000 in cash. Something." At press time, Brookings fellows were pooling some money together to buy the city of Cairo a "first-rate" new zoo.

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