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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Egyptians Concerned About Direction Government Is Toppling In

CAIRO—Responding to the ongoing struggle for power following the July 4 military overthrow of Mohamed Morsi, many Egyptian citizens expressed fears on Friday that their government may be toppling in the wrong direction. “These protests, the military power grabs, and the looming threat of civil war all make me wonder if this is how our society should ideally collapse, and if, in fact, we are utterly falling apart in the wisest and most prudent fashion,” said Cairo resident Chigaru Habib, adding that he believes there are “far better ways” in which stability should completely and irretrievably break down. “I remember a time—and it wasn’t very long ago—when Egypt was crumbling in harmony with the will of the Egyptian people, toppling bravely toward a future of peace and prosperity. But now it seems those days are long gone.” Planned elections next spring will reportedly allow Egyptians to vote on which direction the government will topple next.

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