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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Either Someone 14th Caller Or Everything On Fire At Spanish Radio Station

SAN JOSE, CA—According to sources, either a listener of local Spanish-language radio program Mañana Gigante con Luis y Moon Dog has just won some sort of promotional contest by being the 14th caller or the entire radio station is currently engulfed in flames. Protracted screams of "aye, aye, aye, muy caliente!" and "en fuego!" could be heard on the broadcast of either the celebratory exultation or out-of-control blaze, and were accompanied by the sounds of loud sirens, breaking glass, and dogs barking. As of press time, no emergency vehicles have been dispatched to the scene, and several witnesses have reportedly turned the dial to classic rock station 101.9 the Eagle just in time to catch the solo of either "War Pigs" or "Iron Man."

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