adBlockCheck

Elaborate Sentence Construction Facilitates Omission Of Word 'Boyfriend'

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Elaborate Sentence Construction Facilitates Omission Of Word 'Boyfriend'

BAKERSFIELD, CA—Local Target cashier Lori Spelmann, 23, told coworker Marsha Kimball about her weekend Monday using a winding sentence to facilitate omission of the word "boyfriend." "I didn't get home until late because my friend who is the guy I've been hanging out with a lot for the last five or so weeks locked his keys in his car," Spelmann told Kimball in the Target breakroom. Other words and phrases Spelmann managed to avoid during the run-on sentence included "went on a date," "relationship," and "had sex."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close