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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Elderly Couple Dresses Up For Trip To Denny's

VERO BEACH, FL–Wishing to look nice for their evening out, Vero Beach retirees Abe and Bernice Wanamaker dressed up Monday for dinner at a local Denny's. "I think I'm going to put on my light-blue slacks before we go," said Abe, taking off the shorts he'd been wearing all afternoon while sitting in the backyard. "And the brown Hush Puppies." Bernice chose to wear her good yellow dress, which she had not worn since a March 22 trip to Lums.

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