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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Eleven-Year-Old Has Miniskirt, Pumps, Vague Notion Of What Sex Is

EL CENTRO, CA–According to reports, area 11-year-old Brianna Kimble possesses a black miniskirt, red-vinyl pumps with two-inch heels, and a vague understanding of the concept of sex. "We're not supposed to cover that until the seventh grade," said Kimble, sporting a midriff-baring "Porn Star" T-shirt, "but I know it's got something to do with when you take off your clothes and do stuff with a boy. And I think I heard somewhere that you can catch, like, diseases from it." Kimble then applied copious amounts of Hello Kitty Glitter Gloss to her lips.

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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

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