adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Eli Manning Buys Silly Hat To Make Himself Feel Better

NEW YORK—Following a demoralizing 14-28 loss to the Redskins Sunday in which he threw an interception and no touchdowns, Giants quarterback Eli Manning attempted to cheer himself up with the purchase of an oversized green leprechaun-style top hat. “I like it. It makes me feel better,” Manning told reporters while wearing the large, dopey hat that reportedly cost $24.99 at a local Spencer Gifts. “I knew when I was sacked for a fourth time that it was going to be a hat day. This one made me laugh the most when I saw it, but the hat that looked like a traffic cone was funny too. I’m pretty sure I already have that one, though.” According to sources close to the family, Manning’s father yelled at him for wasting his money on yet another silly hat.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close