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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Eli Manning Buys Silly Hat To Make Himself Feel Better

NEW YORK—Following a demoralizing 14-28 loss to the Redskins Sunday in which he threw an interception and no touchdowns, Giants quarterback Eli Manning attempted to cheer himself up with the purchase of an oversized green leprechaun-style top hat. “I like it. It makes me feel better,” Manning told reporters while wearing the large, dopey hat that reportedly cost $24.99 at a local Spencer Gifts. “I knew when I was sacked for a fourth time that it was going to be a hat day. This one made me laugh the most when I saw it, but the hat that looked like a traffic cone was funny too. I’m pretty sure I already have that one, though.” According to sources close to the family, Manning’s father yelled at him for wasting his money on yet another silly hat.

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