Eli Manning: The Grand Fool Of French Cinema

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Vol 47 Issue 07

Trail Blazers Down To One Working Knee

PORTLAND, OR—According to sources close to the injury-plagued Portland Trail Blazers, after a series of knee injuries to center Marcus Camby and All-Star guard Brandon Roy, the team is now officially down to one good knee.

Tim Duncan Urges All-Stars To Use Inside Voice During Game

LOS ANGELES—Saying he understands how excited everyone can get during an All-Star game, Spurs center Tim Duncan made it clear Saturday that since the game is held inside the Staples Center, he expects members of both teams to put their outside voice...

Area Dad Just Wants Computer With The Basics

EDISON, NJ—Wary of paying too much for a new computer loaded with unnecessary bells and whistles, area dad Paul Moyers, 52, announced Friday that he just wants a regular, no-frills PC with only the basics.

Military Releases Drone's Suicide Note

In a shocking turn of events, embattled military drone plane TR425 destroyed itself. Military officials released the following suicide note written by the airplane.

Healthy Living Tips For Shawnas

Having a healthy lifestyle isn't just about staying out of the sun (or out of a tanning bed). Here are some simple tips to help Shawnas participate in a healthier life.
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Eli Manning: The Grand Fool Of French Cinema

No quarterback's career has alternated more rapidly between stellar, stinking and stupid than New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning. Here we take a look at his more vaunted works, that are having him hailed in France as "the impossible man and the impossible buffoon."

Reposer Sans Paix (Rest Without Peace)
90 minutes of Eli Manning lying on the ground after a sack, contemplating whether to rise again knowing he will only fall.

Grand Yeux Et Pieds De Plomb (Big Eyes And Leaden Feet)
The innocence of Eli Manning is exposed in his lumbering feet, which betray his lofty ideals and notions of athleticism and bring them crashing to the ground.

Eli Manning: Le Pierrot De Football Americain (Eli Manning: The Pierrot Of American Football)
Despite his numerous victories and his ultimate 2008 joy, everyone knows his empty smile masks a sadness beyond his years.

Eli Parcours Le Monde Seul (Eli Travels The World Alone)
He is helped by his offensive line, he is helped by his coaches, he is helped by his brother. Yet he remains alone and incompetent.

Super Bowl XLII
His grand masterpiece, a fumbling display of mediocrity and ineffectiveness gilded with a dazzling firework display of brilliance that merely serves to highlight his inner preposterousness.

Le Clown Est Attaque Par Falcons (The Clown Is Attacked By Falcons)
A seemingly unending cavalcade of Atlanta Falcons rains down on Eli, seemingly infinite, making the hero look the silly jackass. That he attains victory reveals that we are all the fool.

Celui Qui Pleurait (He Who Wept)
When Eli Manning cries on the outside after years of crying inside himself, a stadium is brought to its knees with peels of shrieking laughter. He throws three interceptions, four touchdowns and wins.

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