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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Eli Manning Throws Big-Boy Touchdown

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Trailing in the final seconds of last Sunday's game against New England, New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning, 30, stunned the Patriots by throwing a big-boy touchdown to clinch a victory. "I did it! I did it!" a jubilant Manning said after the win, adding several times that he threw the big-boy touchdown all by himself "without help from anybody in the whole wide world." "Did you see me? Did you see me throw the ball to my friend in the touchdown?" A day later, Eli's older brother Peyton confirmed that he did in fact see the play, and yes, Eli is a big boy who will grow up and be big and strong like his brother.

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