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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Elizabeth Taylor Watches Cleopatra Alone In Dark

LOS ANGELES–Sitting alone in a darkened screening room in her secluded mansion atop the Hollywood Hills, actress Elizabeth Taylor watched Cleopatra, the 1963 epic starring herself and Richard Burton. "I was the greatest of them all," said Taylor, gazing upon her younger self as the queen of the Nile. "In one week, I received 17,000 fan letters. Men bribed my hairdresser to get a lock of my hair. There was a maharajah who came all the way from India to beg one of my silk stockings. Later he strangled himself with it!" After she finished watching the film, Taylor informed its director, Joseph Mankiewicz, who died in 1993, that she was ready for her close-up.

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