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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Elton John Wows Mother Theresa Funeral Crowd With 'The Bitch Is Back"

CALCUTTA—Over 12,000 mourners at Saturday's funeral for Mother Teresa were treated to a performance of "The Bitch Is Back" by Elton John. The delighted mourners, clapping their hands and swaying from side-to-side in time with the song's pounding, rollicking barrelhouse piano, joined John in singing the song's refrain, "Bitch, bitch / The bitch is back," dozens of times, bringing the performance to over 12 minutes. "This is the perfect tribute to Mother Teresa," said Sister Nirmala, Mother Teresa's successor as leader of the Missionaries of Charity Order. "The bitch is indeed back with God." John, who sat next to Princess Diana at Gianni Versace's funeral and sat next to Mother Teresa at Princess Diana's funeral, was seated next to former Beatle George Harrison at Mother Teresa's funeral, fueling speculation that Harrison will perish next Tuesday in a fiery helicopter crash.

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