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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Email From Coworker Trying To Organize Office-Wide Social Outing So Unbearably Sad

ATLANTA—According to employees at Polaris Marketing, an email sent today by coworker Tim Voss, 31, trying to organize an office-wide social outing after work is just so incredibly sad. “Hey guys, this is happening, so I’ll need to know soon who’s in and who’s out so I can get tickets,” read the first message in an incredibly depressing thread of emails that reportedly included heartbreaking suggestions to eat dinner beforehand, horribly painful updates about ticketing procedures, and repeated calls for head counts, which fellow employees described as “too pathetic to even read.” “Okay, so the 6:15 show is sold out, but there’s another one at 7:45, which means we can either hang out beforehand or meet there. Does that sound good? Let me know in the next 15 minutes so I can order tickets on Fandango.” At press time, sources confirmed that numerous employees had exchanged distressed private emails with each other asking, “Are you going to this?”

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