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Embarrassed Catcher Not Sure What He Came To Mound For

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Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson

Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had found a really cool wooden-handled Buck-brand pocketknife on the street.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Embarrassed Catcher Not Sure What He Came To Mound For

MIAMI—Miami Marlins catcher John Buck was reportedly “totally humiliated” during the fifth inning of Tuesday’s game against the New York Mets after completely forgetting the reason why he walked to the pitcher’s mound. “Just give me a second here, it’ll come to me,” Buck was overheard saying before crossing his arms and staring silently into into the distance for several moments. “Something about the runner on second, maybe? Shit, I have no idea. Well, I’ll let you know if I remember what it was, I guess.” Team sources confirmed that Buck immediately recalled what he meant to say as soon as Hudson gave up a home run from an inside fastball on the next pitch.

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