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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Embarrassed Catcher Not Sure What He Came To Mound For

MIAMI—Miami Marlins catcher John Buck was reportedly “totally humiliated” during the fifth inning of Tuesday’s game against the New York Mets after completely forgetting the reason why he walked to the pitcher’s mound. “Just give me a second here, it’ll come to me,” Buck was overheard saying before crossing his arms and staring silently into into the distance for several moments. “Something about the runner on second, maybe? Shit, I have no idea. Well, I’ll let you know if I remember what it was, I guess.” Team sources confirmed that Buck immediately recalled what he meant to say as soon as Hudson gave up a home run from an inside fastball on the next pitch.

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