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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Emotionally Abusive Social Media Site Continuously Manipulating Woman Into Staying

MENLO PARK, CA—Warning her that she’d have nobody if she walked away now, an emotionally abusive social media site has been continuously manipulating a woman into staying, sources confirmed Thursday. “Are you sure you want to deactivate your account? All your friends will miss you,” said the controlling website, warning the woman that she was turning her back on everyone who cared about her and would be totally bereft of happiness without them. “Your 395 friends will no longer be able to keep in touch with you. Would you like to log out instead of deactivating your account?” At press time, the woman still had not opted out of receiving future emails, and the site, sensing her weakness, had reportedly filled her inbox with promises that this time would be different.

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