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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Employee Who Likens Self To TV's 'House' Fired

ALPINE, NJ—Walter Salinger, 38, a U.S postal employee who often compared himself to the cantankerous yet brilliant titular character from the Fox medical drama House, was recently fired for insubordinate behavior, coworkers reported Tuesday. "He was either outright rude to customers or avoided them completely," said letter carrier Lyle Davis, whom Salinger often referred to as one of his "team," even though both men hold the same title. "Walter was a mailman, for Christ's sake. Who cares if 'everyone lies' about parcel dimensions? It's not like he ever saved anyone's life." Though Salinger was generally disliked at his place of employment, station manager Nate Cranston said the branch would continue to make use of the brainstorming whiteboard Salinger brought in to prevent dead letters.

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