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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Employee Worries Coworker's Computer Screen May Be Larger

DALLAS– Dan Pulsipher, a Java engineer with software developer Razornet Technologies, fretted Monday that the computer monitor of coworker Allen Walls may be larger than his own. "I've got a 17-incher," Pulsipher said. "But I'm almost positive that Allen's is a 19. What gives?" Pulsipher, who has been with Razornet three and a half years to his counterpart's six months, also fears that Walls' monitor may have a .26mm dot pitch.

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