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It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

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Home Depot Employee Can Tell This Customer’s First Attempt At Pipe Bomb

APPLETON, WI—Shaking his head Monday as the customer selected a length of plastic pipe over a stronger metal alternative and placed it into his shopping cart, local Home Depot sales associate Graham Warner, 57, was reportedly able to tell right away that this was the store patron’s first attempt at making a pipe bomb.

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KFC Introduces New Previously Owned 20-Piece Hot Wings

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Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

New Mountain Dew Vows To Kill 99.9% Of Stomach Bacteria

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Heart Attack A Real Wake-Up Call For Man’s Insurance Provider

HARTFORD, CT—Saying the incident had forced them to completely rethink their past decisions about the man’s coverage and how they would approach his policy from here on out, Aetna executives reported Thursday that the recent heart attack of longtime plan member Michael Burns was a real wake-up call for the 163-year-old insurance company.
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Employee’s Meteoric Rise Through Company A Testament To Staff Turnover

Pisciotto has surged up the corporate ladder to become Forge Media’s youngest director, an impressive feat colleagues attribute to the firm’s poor employee retention.
Pisciotto has surged up the corporate ladder to become Forge Media’s youngest director, an impressive feat colleagues attribute to the firm’s poor employee retention.

SAN DIEGO—Admiring his rapid advancement from a junior sales position to a management role in an unprecedented six months, sources at Forge Media said Monday that coworker Mark Pisciotto’s meteoric rise through the company is a true testament to its high turnover rate.

Since joining the digital marketing firm last October as a sales associate, Pisciotto, 28, has been successively promoted to client service manager, team leader, and director of client service, a swift ascent that office sources said stood as impressive proof of the large number of vacancies at their workplace.

“If you look at where he started compared to where he is now, you can’t help but think, ‘Wow, a whole lot of people have been leaving,’” said Forge HR director Caroline Moser, marveling at just how much Pisciotto had benefitted from the departure of colleagues in such a short time. “He’s been with us half a year, and he’s zooming up the company ranks like a person who happens to be working here during a period of staff instability.”

“Provided enough people resign, the sky’s the limit for Mark,” Moser added.

In fact, colleagues speculate that Pisciotto is probably on the fast track to regional vice president of accounts, as veteran employees Karen Turnbull and Trevor Wilcox recently left due to their dissatisfaction with Forge’s pay and benefits packages. And if, as many expect, senior vice president Nancy Byers takes an early retirement in the near future, there reportedly will be little stopping Pisciotto from climbing to an executive-level position.

Having moved up the company hierarchy so quickly, sources confirmed that Pisciotto has even earned the respect of the head of the company.

“Mark is a living, breathing example of what you can achieve if you’re still employed somewhere when the people immediately above you have moved on,” said Forge CEO Donald Snider. “He’s just one of those guys who has what it takes to rise through the ranks partially by default at a company that’s been a revolving door for employees as of late.”

“Honestly, it takes a special kind of worker to almost inevitably be promoted due to turnover,” added Snider. “I could definitely see him in this chair someday, especially considering the enticing offers I’ve been receiving from rival firms.”

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