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Employee's Multitasking Doesn't Include Work

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NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.

Driving Vs. Public Transportation

Weighing factors such as convenience, time commitment, and environmental impact, deciding whether to commute via car or public transit can be difficult. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options
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Employee's Multitasking Doesn't Include Work

PHOENIX—Though 27-year-old paralegal Pete Gossling prides himself on his ability to efficiently accomplish numerous tasks at once, none of these activities is actual work, his coworkers said Tuesday. "It's amazing—he'll be carrying on eight IM conversations at once, keep six web browsers open to different YouTube clips, and still be able to forward e-mail after e-mail of jokes from his uncle," said legal secretary Jennifer Paige, adding that when Gossling is out of the office, he uses his PDA to compete in several online poker games simultaneously. "I've never once received a work-related e-mail from him or seen him working on a legal brief, however." Gossling admitted that he often overextends himself so much that work simply isn't possible.

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