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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Employee's Multitasking Doesn't Include Work

PHOENIX—Though 27-year-old paralegal Pete Gossling prides himself on his ability to efficiently accomplish numerous tasks at once, none of these activities is actual work, his coworkers said Tuesday. "It's amazing—he'll be carrying on eight IM conversations at once, keep six web browsers open to different YouTube clips, and still be able to forward e-mail after e-mail of jokes from his uncle," said legal secretary Jennifer Paige, adding that when Gossling is out of the office, he uses his PDA to compete in several online poker games simultaneously. "I've never once received a work-related e-mail from him or seen him working on a legal brief, however." Gossling admitted that he often overextends himself so much that work simply isn't possible.

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