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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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'Employees Must Wash Hands' Signs Top Iraqi Hospital Wish List

MAHMOUDIYA, IRAQ—As the tumultuous process of reconstruction continues throughout Iraq, health-care workers are still lacking the basic necessities. "Before anything else at all, we need a supply of new, bilingual 'Employees Must Wash Hands' signs," said Youssef Al-Obaidi, director of Mahmoudiya Hospital. "We appreciate the bedding, laundry-sanitization equipment, window glass, penicillin, needles, wall-repair materials, and so on, but without clean hands, none of these mean anything." Al-Obaidi said the importance of hand-washing could not, unlike doctors and nurses, be overstressed.

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