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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Enchilada Premonition Comes To Pass

BUFFALO, NY—An unaccountable vision of impending enchilada consumption experienced by SUNY-Buffalo student Kris Lamberth came true early Monday evening, according to witnesses. "There we were on the couch," said roommate Corey Bradsher, "when Kris looks right at me and says, 'I have an eerie sense I'm going to eat two Amy's Organic cheese enchiladas. Man, I can almost taste them.'" An hour later, his prophesy was realized. Since the incident, the preternatural Lamberth has attracted the attention of the unsolved-crimes unit of the local police department, who have requested that Lamberth solve the mystery of where they should order their lunch.
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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