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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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End Of Last Meals For Death Row Inmates Could Decimate Texas Restaurant Industry

AUSTIN, TX—Texas restaurant owners voiced concerns Friday over the recent decision of state prison officials to end last meals for death row inmates, claiming the ban would decimate a substantial portion of their industry's revenues. "How are dining establishments in this state supposed to stay afloat without their key customer base?" said Borboa's BBQ proprietor Tobey Barker, explaining that the Texas Department of Criminal Justice's food orders for those about to be executed accounted for 75 percent of restaurant business in the state. "Our places get a little bit of walk-in traffic on weekends, but let's face it, we're in the business of catering meals for individuals who will be dead in the morning." While the ban remains in effect, experts have predicted it is likely to be reversed once the decline in demand for sirloin steaks begins to draw ire from the formidable Texas beef lobby.

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