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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

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  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Endangered Species List Edited To Fit Poster

WASHINGTON, DC—World Wildlife Fund president Carter S. Roberts said Monday that his organization was forced to pare down the list of endangered species so that it would fit on a three-by-two-foot poster to be distributed to schools and private donors.

"If you want a poster that's going to grab an audience, you show the gray wolf instead of the Iowa Pleistocene snail," said Roberts, adding that no endangered mollusks made the final cut, and that, among insects, only butterflies would be included. "The poster is a visual medium. A large tear-jerking image of a giant panda might be redundant, considering that we have a panda in our logo, but it's not like anyone is going to be inspired to protect wildlife by a photo of a nearly extinct medicinal leech. You go with what is going to bring in the dollars."

According to Roberts, species that "realistically have absolutely no chance of surviving" were omitted so that the poster would not seem out of date in a couple of years.

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