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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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English Teacher Obviously Hung Over

MARYLAND HEIGHTS, MO–Despite attempts to conceal it from students, Eisenhower High School 11th-grade English teacher Matthew Geisinger was clearly hung over Monday. "Today, you're going to break up into groups of four to discuss that book you read over the weekend," Geisinger groggily told his first-period class. "The idea is to draw your own conclusions about the book without coming to me for any help." Geisinger then rested his head on his desk for the remainder of the period, occasionally taking a sip of coffee.

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