adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
End Of Section
  • More News

English Teacher Obviously Hung Over

MARYLAND HEIGHTS, MO–Despite attempts to conceal it from students, Eisenhower High School 11th-grade English teacher Matthew Geisinger was clearly hung over Monday. "Today, you're going to break up into groups of four to discuss that book you read over the weekend," Geisinger groggily told his first-period class. "The idea is to draw your own conclusions about the book without coming to me for any help." Geisinger then rested his head on his desk for the remainder of the period, occasionally taking a sip of coffee.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close