English Teacher On First Date In Ages Lets Dangling Modifier Slide

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Vol 42 Issue 46

O.J. Confession Book Cancelled

After stirring up a cloud of controversy, Fox and ReganBooks parent company News Corp cancelled both publication of the O.J. Simpson book If I Did...

Male Birth-Control Pill

Scientists are reportedly close to perfecting a birth-control pill for men that will stop the development of sperm. What do you think?

Web Hits 100 Million Sites

According to Internet-monitoring company Netcraft, there are now 100 million websites with unique domain names. What do you think?

Nov. 18, 1920

Fixed World Series Heralds First-Ever Moment of Excitement In Baseball
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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

English Teacher On First Date In Ages Lets Dangling Modifier Slide

FALLS CHURCH, VA—Recalling that it was her first date since September 2005, high-school English teacher Melanie Fitzgerald thought it prudent to overlook the grammatical errors of dinner date Aaron McPherson on Monday. "I really had to bite my tongue when he said, 'After getting stuck in traffic this evening, canceling dinner plans would have been completely understandable,'" said Fitzgerald, recounting her date's response to her five-minutes-late arrival. "I kept telling myself to give him the benefit of the doubt, even after he said, 'Being nervous sometimes, I can come off a bit awkward.' " Friends of Fitzgerald have advised her to continue disregarding McPherson's poor grammar and instead focus on his character, which sounds like that of a complete asshole.

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