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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Enjoyment Of Steve Miller Band’s ‘Jungle Love’ Last Piece Of Common Ground In America

WASHINGTON—Amidst a nation eternally divided on matters relating to politics, social issues, and foreign affairs, sources confirmed Thursday that the collective enjoyment of the hit 1977 Steve Miller Band single “Jungle Love” remains the last and, at press time, only piece of common ground shared by the American populace. “While citizens nationwide have yet to reach anything approaching a consensus in regard to a vast majority of the issues ranging from education to energy solutions to health care reform, we have found—time and time again—that a mutual appreciation for the popular song ‘Jungle Love’ is the sole shared trait of all 315 million American men, women, and children,” said Pew Research Center senior director Kenneth Harding, pointing to survey evidence showing that even those Americans with sharply divergent views on nearly every subject would be able to reach a quick and emphatic agreement over the Lonnie Turner– and Greg Douglass–penned riff-based rocker. “We are fiercely, at times violently divided people. However, when it comes to ‘Jungle Love,’ the crunchy guitar riffs, tight drumming, and exuberant hook of this killer ’70s AM radio favorite are something that we can all get behind.” Harding added that, among the countless topics of fierce debate currently facing the American people, the most passionate unquestionably pertains to whether “Jet Airliner” or “Swingtown” is the second-best cut on the Book Of Dreams album.

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