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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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'Entertainment Weekly' Critic Lets Director Redo 'Sorority Row' For Better Grade

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Critic Kate Ward told reporters Monday that she has given director Stewart Hendler a chance to reshoot his horror-thriller Sorority Row and improve upon the "D" grade he received in her recent Entertainment Weekly review of the film. "Stewart came to my office to talk about his grade, and we discussed where he went wrong with his production," said Ward, who is often described by filmmakers as a "tough-but-fair" reviewer. "He seems to understand the problems with his use of gratuitous nudity and has promised to fix some of the larger plot holes. If he applies himself and gets Carrie Fisher to sign on again in a bigger role, he could very well get a 'C' when I average the two grades." Hendler said he will use more crosscuts in his second attempt at Sorority Row, a technique he claims helped "ass-kisser" Steven Soderbergh earn a "B" for The Informant

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