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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Entertainment Weekly Wins Excellence-In-Caption-Pun Award

NEW YORK—The National Society of Journalists honored Entertainment Weekly Monday, giving the magazine its 1997 Excellence-In-Caption-Pun Award. The magazine was specifically cited for its June 17-23 issue, which contained the caption "Pup Fiction" under a photo of Glenn Close from 101 Dalmatians, and the caption "Sofa, So Good" under a photo of Uma Thurman resting on a couch—considered by many to be the greatest caption pun ever. "At a time when journalistic standards are on the decline, the caption puns of Entertainment Weekly remind us all what this profession is supposed to be all about," society chairperson Hal Sisson said. Entertainment Weekly is currently working on a pun involving David Duchovny and a bucket.

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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

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