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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Entertainment Writer Has Knack For Making Complex Pop Culture Concepts Accessible To Lay Readers

LOS ANGELES—Lauded by colleagues and readers alike for his lucid reportage, entertainment writer Paul Veist has an unparalleled knack for taking even the most complicated pop culture concepts and making them accessible for those with little or no technical understanding of celebrity matters, sources said Thursday. "Paul is a master at distilling the essence of convoluted topics such as stars' fashion faux pas and making them comprehensible without using a lot of esoteric, hard-to-follow mumbo jumbo," said People magazine reporter Tia Nadel, adding that Veist's use of engaging metaphor rather than confusing jargon has made his articles appearing on websites such as E! Online and TMZ.com extremely popular. "Even when he's writing about something as daunting and difficult to understand as Kim Kardashian releasing a new fragrance, you never feel as though he's being condescending or otherwise talking down to you." Many of Veist's avid readers said they find his stories a refreshing alternative to the impenetrable language featured in overly academic celebrity journals such as Entertainment Weekly.

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