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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Entertainment Writer Has Knack For Making Complex Pop Culture Concepts Accessible To Lay Readers

LOS ANGELES—Lauded by colleagues and readers alike for his lucid reportage, entertainment writer Paul Veist has an unparalleled knack for taking even the most complicated pop culture concepts and making them accessible for those with little or no technical understanding of celebrity matters, sources said Thursday. "Paul is a master at distilling the essence of convoluted topics such as stars' fashion faux pas and making them comprehensible without using a lot of esoteric, hard-to-follow mumbo jumbo," said People magazine reporter Tia Nadel, adding that Veist's use of engaging metaphor rather than confusing jargon has made his articles appearing on websites such as E! Online and TMZ.com extremely popular. "Even when he's writing about something as daunting and difficult to understand as Kim Kardashian releasing a new fragrance, you never feel as though he's being condescending or otherwise talking down to you." Many of Veist's avid readers said they find his stories a refreshing alternative to the impenetrable language featured in overly academic celebrity journals such as Entertainment Weekly.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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