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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Entire Basketball Game Rendered Pointless By Last-Second Shot

YPSILANTI, MI—A thrilling seesaw battle against Akron was ruined as boorish Eastern Michigan forward Brandon Bowdry mustered the sheer gall necessary to hit a come-from-behind three-pointer at the buzzer, rendering the preceding 39 minutes and 59 seconds moot. "We bust our butts out there for two hours, get a lead, and this punk comes swooping in and hits a prayer from half-court—some nerve he has," said Akron coach Keith Dambrot, who asked that referees check the rule book three times to make sure the shot was legal. Eastern Michigan players seemed similarly upset with Bowdry, throwing their hands up in the air and shaking their heads after the shot went in. One anonymous teammate described the play as poor sportsmanship, complaining that the team had played hard and "was just about to lose fair and square." Immediately after Bowdry's shot scored, the Eastern Michigan crowd erupted in anger, booing Bowdry off the court and demanding their money back for sitting through nearly two meaningless halves of basketball.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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