adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday. “To go out on top with a Super Bowl win, there’s no better way to end our time in the league,” read a joint statement released by quarterback Peyton Manning, general manager John Elway, head coach Gary Kubiak, all 22 assistant coaches, every executive in the Broncos’ front office, and every player on the Broncos’ roster, as well as the organization’s trainers, equipment managers, scouting personnel, medical staff, executive assistants, marketing team, IT team, human resources department, receptionists, security guards, and janitors, and the Sports Authority Stadium at Mile High ushers, grounds crew, and food vendors. “It was a tough decision to make, but ultimately, we realized that we’d accomplished everything we set out to do, and we’ve got nothing left to prove. Not many people can say they were able to go out as Super Bowl champs.” At press time, the Broncos had taken out a full-page ad in The Denver Post to say thanks and goodbye to all the fans in the city.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close