Entire Nation Pitches In To Save Yosemite

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Vol 49 Issue 35

Tough Season - Preview

Tough Season returns with a gritty, hard-hitting look inside the fantasy football locker room of Brad’s Awesome Team.

The Case For And Against Intervening In Syria

While the Obama administration has been considering an armed intervention in Syria following the gassing deaths of hundreds of Syrian civilians, a vocal movement in Congress and among the general public has emerged in opposition of any U.S.

Courtroom Artist Clearly Infatuated With Bailiff

The Syria conflict intensifies as bears enter the war, a report shows that millions of courageous Americans are overcoming the media pressure to be thin, and the nation’s single men announce a plan to change their bedsheets by 2019.

50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria

According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a purported chemical weapons attack by the government of Bashar al-Assad, compared to 42 percent who support military action.
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Entire Nation Pitches In To Save Yosemite

'C'mon, Gang! This Is Our Park'

YOSEMITE VILLAGE, CA—With a can-do spirit and repeated chants of “Let’s save America’s park!” folks from every corner of this great nation packed a bag, hopped on a plane, and joined together in a race against time Tuesday to rescue Yosemite from record-setting wildfires, sources confirmed. “We’ve only got one Yosemite, guys! Let’s do this!” said Toledo-area volunteer Jacob Sloan, 58, echoing the sentiments of all 316 million Americans, people from every race, creed, and color who put their differences aside and came together as one to douse the fire with buckets of water, their faces covered in ash and their eyes full of hope. “This bucket’s for the mountain lions, and this one’s for the bighorn sheep. And this one? This one’s for one of the most glorious, most beautiful creations on God’s green earth, Yosemite! Put your backs into it, friends! She’s a miracle worth fighting for!” At press time, the fire was out and a true national treasure had been saved.

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