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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Eric Cantor Pressuring Wife To Try New Political Position

WASHINGTON—House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) has reportedly been pressuring his wife to try new political positions, claiming the same old ones are getting stale after 24 years of marriage. “Come on, baby, let’s try a little pro-gun control, or maybe a little reverse pro-gun control, just to spice things up,” sources overheard Cantor saying to his wife Diana, right after suggesting that she might try getting in the mood by playing with her position by herself a bit before entering into passionate debate. “I’ll role-play a neoliberal who’s been naughty on security issues, and you’ll be a social-conservative minx who wants to deny hospital visitation rights for gay couples all night long. We’ll have a safe word so I can go back to being an ideologically inconsistent Republican if things get too intense.” Diana Cantor commented that while she supports her husband trying to keep the discourse fresh, she is too tired to try any new political positions tonight.

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