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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Eric Clapton To Release New Album Inspired By Blues Music

LOS ANGELES—Musician Eric Clapton announced Wednesday that his next album, Eric Clapton Plays The Blues, would be a collection of songs primarily influenced by blues music, a genre the 66-year-old guitarist said he enjoys very much. "I've always been interested in blues music, and this album will really explore that interest," Clapton told reporters, explaining that many of the new songs would feature long blues guitar solos, repeating 12-bar-blues chord structures, and lyrical themes centered around both getting and continuing to have the blues. "I'm fairly confident about the project, as I plan to sing with a sort of forlorn, bluesy quality in my voice, and I'll be playing a lot of E, A, and B chords, along with all the blue notes of the scale. Just pure and simple blues, really." Clapton later admitted that while each track would definitely be inspired by blues music, the final product might actually be more of a blues-rock album.

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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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