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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Eric Clapton To Release New Album Inspired By Blues Music

LOS ANGELES—Musician Eric Clapton announced Wednesday that his next album, Eric Clapton Plays The Blues, would be a collection of songs primarily influenced by blues music, a genre the 66-year-old guitarist said he enjoys very much. "I've always been interested in blues music, and this album will really explore that interest," Clapton told reporters, explaining that many of the new songs would feature long blues guitar solos, repeating 12-bar-blues chord structures, and lyrical themes centered around both getting and continuing to have the blues. "I'm fairly confident about the project, as I plan to sing with a sort of forlorn, bluesy quality in my voice, and I'll be playing a lot of E, A, and B chords, along with all the blue notes of the scale. Just pure and simple blues, really." Clapton later admitted that while each track would definitely be inspired by blues music, the final product might actually be more of a blues-rock album.

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