adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

Eric Clapton Wows Audience With Even Slower Version Of ‘Layla’

DULUTH, GA—Debuting yet another arrangement of the classic song Wednesday night, singer-guitarist Eric Clapton reportedly treated a sold-out crowd at the Gwinnett Center to an even slower, somehow mellower acoustic version of his original 1971 hit “Layla.” “When he played those first 45-second-long notes of the opening riff, that was when everyone recognized it as ‘Layla’ and just went nuts,” concertgoer Leslie Friedrich said of the 87-minute rendition, which according to listeners featured three eight-minute choruses and a half-hour jazzy piano interlude before concluding with a lengthy fadeout. “I heard those brushed drums and glacial tempo and my jaw dropped. I was like, ‘Wow, he actually managed to come up with a more lethargic and neutered acoustic jazz-blues version of “Layla” than ever before! How did he pull it off?’” Sources confirmed Clapton followed “Layla” up with a vigorous, electric double-time version of “Tears In Heaven.”

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close