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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Eric Holder Loads iPod With AP Phone Conversations For Morning Commute

WASHINGTON—While preparing to leave for work Monday, U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder reportedly loaded up his iPod with dozens of Associated Press reporters’ confidential phone conversations to enjoy on his morning commute. “It usually takes me about 30 minutes to get to the office, so I’ll have something to listen to to pass the time,” said the Justice Department head while transferring the wiretap recordings taken from dozens of AP journalists’ work and cell phone lines from his home computer to his mp3 player. “It’s nice to just sit back and listen to a few secret conversations between reporters and their classified sources. Lately I’ve been getting into [AP Middle East correspondent] Bassem Mroue’s stuff. His off-the-record calls with top intelligence officials are awesome. It’s like he’s just having a conversation with these people and I’m lucky enough to listen in.” Holder added that he’s saving a really lengthy call between Washington Post executive editor Martin Baron and CIA Director John Brennan for a cross-country flight he’s taking Friday.

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