adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Erik Spoelstra Under Impression Big 3 Will Take Pay Cut To Keep Playing Under Him

MIAMI—As his trio of star players must soon decide whether to stay with the Miami Heat or test free agency, head coach Erik Spoelstra expressed confidence Friday that the team’s “Big Three” of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh would opt to take a pay cut in order to continue playing under him. “It’s about more than the bottom line for these guys—they want to play on a championship team with a championship coach,” Spoelstra told reporters, noting that while James, Wade, and Bosh could theoretically pursue a higher payday with other NBA franchises, only in Miami can they be mentored by a future Hall of Fame coach such as himself. “LeBron, Dwyane, and Chris all understand that playing for me represents an opportunity they’re not going to get anywhere else in this league, and that’s more important than any paycheck. If they stay, it’s because they want a few more rings and the chance to join me in the record books. It’s a pretty clear-cut choice, if you ask me.” Spoelstra added that the Big Three’s decision to remain with the Heat would only be made more attractive by the team’s potential offseason addition of Carmelo Anthony, who, given the caliber of coach he would be playing for, would happily sign for the league minimum.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close