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Errant Keystroke Produces Character Never Before Seen By Human Eyes

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Disney Begins Uploading Obama’s Consciousness To Hall Of Presidents Robot

BAY LAKE, FL—In an effort to provide park visitors with the most true-to-life attraction possible, Walt Disney World officials announced Monday that computer technicians have begun uploading Barack Obama’s consciousness into his animatronic robot likeness at the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of Presidents exhibit.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users
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Errant Keystroke Produces Character Never Before Seen By Human Eyes

SAN MATEO, CA—Following an accidental keystroke combination Monday, local woman Kate Garret’s computer displayed a strange, never-before-seen typographical character that experts have since confirmed does not belong to the written language of any human culture, past or present. "I was holding down the Alt button and brushed something up near the Tab or Tilde key, and then this weird thing just popped up out of nowhere," said Garret, who described the symbol as looking something like a combination of Arabic script, a mathematical sign, and the letter "F." "I tried over and over again to replicate the keystrokes, but the character never reappeared. I immediately copied and pasted it into a separate document and hit save, worried no one would ever believe me otherwise." Archaeologists brought in to study the unusual marking said that while its bears no resemblance to the iconography of any known civilization anywhere on earth, it is, in all likelihood, "probably just another goddamn fertility symbol."

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