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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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ESPN Doesn't Have Heart To Tell John Clayton He Has Never Actually Appeared On Television

BRISTOL, CT—Though they first pointed a camera at the NFL writer more than 15 years ago as a prank, producers at ESPN still cannot bear to tell John Clayton they have never actually put him on television. "It's heartbreaking to watch him standing outside in the snow at one of these stadiums, trying to keep his wispy mound of hair in place, waiting for his big chance to speak in front of a camera that isn't even rolling," said ESPN executive Kathryn Rich, adding that in order to make Clayton think he is on the air, producers will often have an intern pose as an ESPN anchor and ask him follow-up questions. "I don't know why he ever believed we would actually put a guy like him on TV, but it's too late now." To keep the ruse going, ESPN officials were forced to arrange a mock induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame for Clayton four years ago and are still paying Clayton's wife, a prostitute they hired in 1996, to tell him how good he was on television that particular night.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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