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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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ESPN Draft Butcher Breaks Down 2011 Draft's Top Running Back Into Roasts, Steaks

NEW YORK—In a new segment during Thursday's 2011 NFL Draft broadcast, ESPN draft butcher Donnie Stoeger evaluated running back Mark Ingram by breaking down the Alabama star into rib roasts, filet mignon, T-bone steak, and strip loin. "I really like how this Ingram kid looks—tender, lean, but with good marbling, nice filets," said Stoeger, adding that for a late first-round pick Ingram would definitely provide a team with jaw-dropping cuts of meat. "I'm not impressed with the consistency of Virginia Tech's Ryan Williams, though. He's the kind of back I'd used sparingly for ground chuck. I do think, however, that someone should snag John Clay in the fourth round, put him in the freezer, and thaw him out later in the season when it gets colder and a team wants something hearty and strong to stew up." The ESPN draft butcher later fed host Chris Berman some sausage made from California running back Shane Vereen.

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