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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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ESPN Gives On-Air Personalities List Of 6 Pre-Approved Opinions

BRISTOL, CT—Following the network’s three-week suspension of analyst Bill Simmons over comments regarding NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, ESPN reportedly sent all on-air personalities a comprehensive list Wednesday of the six pre-approved opinions they may express during broadcasts. “Effective immediately, all on-air talent will be restricted to voicing only the half-dozen sports-related viewpoints officially authorized and endorsed by ESPN,” read the internal company memo, advising all employees to adhere strictly to the new protocol or risk punishment and possible termination. “The network-sanctioned opinions are as follows: 1. The NFL has become a passing league; 2. LeBron James is a great basketball player; 3. The sport of soccer is growing in the United States; 4. Peyton Manning is a future first-ballot Hall of Famer; 5. Rory McIlroy is the new face of golf; 6. The MLB playoffs are incredibly exciting. Thank you for your cooperation.” At press time, ESPN had reportedly revised the list to three opinions after receiving feedback from the NFL front office.

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