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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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ESPN Gives On-Air Personalities List Of 6 Pre-Approved Opinions

BRISTOL, CT—Following the network’s three-week suspension of analyst Bill Simmons over comments regarding NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, ESPN reportedly sent all on-air personalities a comprehensive list Wednesday of the six pre-approved opinions they may express during broadcasts. “Effective immediately, all on-air talent will be restricted to voicing only the half-dozen sports-related viewpoints officially authorized and endorsed by ESPN,” read the internal company memo, advising all employees to adhere strictly to the new protocol or risk punishment and possible termination. “The network-sanctioned opinions are as follows: 1. The NFL has become a passing league; 2. LeBron James is a great basketball player; 3. The sport of soccer is growing in the United States; 4. Peyton Manning is a future first-ballot Hall of Famer; 5. Rory McIlroy is the new face of golf; 6. The MLB playoffs are incredibly exciting. Thank you for your cooperation.” At press time, ESPN had reportedly revised the list to three opinions after receiving feedback from the NFL front office.

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