Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon. “Viewers of daytime sports saw many incredible athletic efforts this year worthy of being named Best Play, but McKendree University sophomore Lauren Pate’s 2-7-8 spare while competing against Nebraska in the NCAA Women’s Bowling Championships stood out above the rest,” said host and star of General Hospital Matt Cohen to an applauding crowd during a ceremony that also saw competitive eater Joey Chestnut win Best Daytime Championship Performance and the Byron Nelson High School Bobcats football team take home the Best Daytime Upset for their shocking win against Trinity. “Without these great athletes and coaches dazzling us with their guts, skills, and heart, our weekday midafternoons would not be the same. Stay tuned after the break to find out who is this year’s Best Drone Racer.” Sources confirmed that the highlight of the evening came when 2017 PDC World Darts Champion Michael van Gerwen delivered a stirring speech calling for the end of the Syrian Civil War.

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