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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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ESPN Holds ‘SportsCenter’ Of Silence For Tom Brady

BRISTOL, CTCable sports network ESPN aired a special hour-long SportsCenter of silence yesterday from 11 p.m. to 12 a.m. in honor of recently fallen New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady.

The solemn event mainly featured anchors Scott Van Pelt and Neil Everett gazing directly ahead in sober reflection, though periodically the camera would cut to individual shots of the anchors, both of whom had identical headshots of a smiling Tom Brady positioned over their left shoulders. According to sources, the only sounds that could be heard during the 60-minute memoriam were a few audible sighs, the periodic swallows of crewpeople and anchors trying vainly to hold back tears, and the somewhat muted voice of analyst Steven A. Smith filming a segment about NBA training camp in a studio three floors above. The episode was ESPN's highest-rated broadcast since October of 1999, when anchor Kenny Mayne did an entire episode of SportsCenter in complete silence for reasons that remain unclear.

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