ESPN Now Allowing Second-Year Anchors To Live Off Campus

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Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

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Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

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Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

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Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

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Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

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ESPN Now Allowing Second-Year Anchors To Live Off Campus

BRISTOL, CT—Reversing a long-held policy requiring their younger television personalities to reside at the network’s sprawling 123-acre headquarters, ESPN announced Wednesday that second-year anchors will now be allowed to live in approved off-campus housing. “It’s just nice to have a little freedom without having any senior producers breathing down your neck all the time,” said sportscaster Jaymee Sire, adding that while she will miss ESPN’s campus meal plan, she’s excited to get a place with several close friends she met during her first year on the SportsCenter set. “The off-campus apartments are kind of dumpy, but it’ll be great not having so many rules. And this way I can finally have a guy stay overnight without having to worry about signing him in first.” At press time, Sire was excitedly choosing an outfit after receiving an invitation to a big kegger at Ed Werner and Bob Ley’s place.


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