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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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ESPN Online Chat With Buster Olney Reveals He's Illiterate

BRISTOL, CT—During a special ESPN.com "Hot Stove Preview" chat session last Monday, it was revealed that leading baseball analyst Buster Olney is unable to read or write. "Evry teem nedes god pichinq," Olney wrote in response to a question about whether or not he thinks Barry Bonds will resign with the Giants. He added: "RGFlssdas glkfrsfgtyr 578fhs3lka;d." Several ESPN.com contributors, including Jayson Stark and Rob Neyer, came to Olney's defense the following day, saying that they too are illiterate, but believe that skills such as reading or writing are unnecessary in their line of work.

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