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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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ESPN Showing Home Footage Of Young Harbaugh Brothers Coaching Together In Backyard

BRISTOL, CT—In part of the network’s buildup to the much-anticipated “HarBowl,” ESPN is showing viewers exclusively obtained home footage of Jim and John Harbaugh coaching together in their backyard as young boys, sources confirmed Friday.“We thought it would be nice to give a glimpse into what these two phenomenal NFL coaches were like when they were kids and just coaching football in the yard without a care in the world,” said SportsCenter executive producer Alex Durbin, adding that the old clips of the Harbaughs screaming play calls, managing the game clock, and slamming their Fisher-Price headsets to the ground after giving up touchdowns has already garnered a very positive response from ESPN viewers. “As you can see, back when Jim and John were 7 and 8, coaching football wasn’t about winning championships. It was just about getting outside with friends and running up and down the sidelines until it was too dark to see the clipboard.” Reached for comment, Jack Harbaugh told reporters that regardless of which team wins the Lombardi Trophy, he is simply proud that his sons never lost the childlike petulance they always had as young coaches.

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