adBlockCheck

ESPN Thinks It Can Just Casually Call Something 'Confed Cup'

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Satisfaction

Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

ESPN Thinks It Can Just Casually Call Something 'Confed Cup'

BRISTOL, CT—Expressing confusion and annoyance upon reading the phrase, sources confirmed Wednesday that someone at ESPN thinks it’s okay to call something the “Confed Cup” with no further context or explanation. “The Confed Cup? What is that? What makes them think they can get away with that?” said Lima, OH resident Dan Burrowes, 34, referring to a headline mentioning widespread riots at whatever the fuck the Confed Cup is. “You only abbreviate things if people know what you’re talking about. Like the Pres Cup. It’s pretty easy to guess that’s the Presidents Cup. But you sure as shit don’t go and call anything the Confed Cup. Not unless you’re speaking to a roomful of tennis fans, or Civil War enthusiasts, or whoever is supposed to understand what that means.” Burrowes, who said he didn’t have time to look it up right now, told reporters that he would probably check back later to see who won.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close