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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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ESPN Writer Changes City Names From Previous Story About Milton Bradley Finding Self In New Surroundings

BRISTOL, CT—To write her recent profile detailing Milton Bradley's attempt to find peace within himself in Seattle, ESPN senior writer Elizabeth Merrill simply found her 2009 article about the troubled outfielder's attempt to find peace within himself in Chicago, changed the team name throughout the story from the Cubs to the Mariners, and replaced every mention of Lou Piniella with Seattle manager Don Wakamatsu. "Writing these Milton Bradley 'I have finally turned my life around' stories is the easiest thing in the world," Merrill told reporters, adding that she composed identical articles in 2004 and 2006 about Bradley's arrivals in Los Angeles and Oakland, respectively. "I just open up my 'Bradley Finding Self In New Surroundings' template and from there it's pretty much just find-and-replace." Merrill said she learned the trick from former ESPN boxing reporter Max Kellerman, who has used his "Mike Tyson Opens Up On New Outlook On Life Following His Arrest" boilerplate more than 15 times.

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